Most women love their vibrators. They also love their partners. Yet many women feel stymied in introducing their vibrators to their partners and figuring out how to integrate vibrating play into their non-solo sex life. We here at Scarletrooms want to help, and this piece addresses how you can make your beloved rabbit, bullet or wand to bed a happy, buzzing part of your partnered sex life.
Certain shapes of vibes lend themselves to partnered play better than others. I have a bullet vibe, a rabbit, a magic wand and a vibrating butt plug. I have used them all during sex, as I have also used a traditional slender plastic vibe, a vibrating cockring, a remote-control vibe and a finger vibrator. I would say that each has its own goodness, depending on what you want the vibe to do. However, I would also say that using what you know and like best makes the most sense, at least initially.
The best starting place, I think, for integrating vibes into your sex life cum partner is to play with the vibe while said partner watches. Make him (or her) sit in a chair or at the foot of the bed and gaze on the splendor that is you diddling yourself. Tie your partner up if you have to. Or just if you want to. If you like being the exhibitionist, this vibe-show can be a lovely way to get accustomed to the vibe—its presence and its noise—as well as to use it as foreplay. Moreover, giving your man (I'm just going to assume the politically incorrect and sexually limiting male partner here for the brevity of pronouns and for the fact that most women already know what to do with a vibe) the opportunity to watch will help him better able to use the vibe on you. If you want to learn or teach a sex act, you should watch or show it to the partner whenever it's anatomically possible to do so. In other words: show your man how you like it. He'll enjoy watching your show.
The next clear step is to have the man use the vibe on you. If you like power exchange as part of your sex play, you can be in charge here—he's the slave doing your bidding—or you can be the sub being pleasured by the erotic largess of your Dom. In either case he'll enjoy getting your patient instruction as well as watching you squirm under his ministrations. And once he's learned properly, he will feel far more confident and secure in the knowledge that he has earned another erotic badge on his sash, prepared as a boy scout to whip out that buzzing skill at a moment's notice.
Here, however, is where types of vibes come in. A rabbit vibe or a magic wand can be all-encompassing and exclusive toys. However, if you have a bullet vibe, a type that I like a lot because they're cheap, easy to clean, small and versatile, you can not only have him use it on your clit (with you tied up or not), but you can also have him tuck it inside you while he licks or manipulates your pussy. Similarly, if you have a g-spotting vibe, your man can use it in your pussy while he licks your clit. In any case, the vibe-and-cunnilingus duo solves the walk-and-chew-gum coordination issue that many men have in simultaneously having to multitask their hands and their tongues together.
The easiest way to use the vibe during sexual intercourse is to use it when fucking in the position affectionately known as “doggy style.” Your clit is just there, unencumbered and begging for attention and the position facilitates actually reaching the clit, something that many other positions limit. I personally find it hard to wedge the vibe in between the man and my body when we're fucking face to face, and I find the vibe totally pointless if I'm riding him because I'd much rather use my finger. If you do want to use a vibrator while facing your man or while on top of him, one of the vibes that slips over a finger or the Fujuko vibrating gloves can be really helpful. If you want to use your magic wand while fucking, you can wedge it on a pillow, or you can buy a specially constructed pillow holder, if you're really into gear. However, you know your body, and you can figure it out. Essentially, once you cross the great toy Rubicon and no longer feel embarrassed by the presence of the vibe, the karma sutra world is your vibrating oyster.
I really enjoy using a vibe during anal sex. I tuck a bullet vibrator inside my pussy because each stroke of my man's cock presses the vibe against my g-spot—and through my vaginal/anal wall against his cock, bringing us both pleasure. It's a two-for. Plus, should I want to place the vibe against my clit, it's right there, ready and buzzing. One can also use a rabbit vibrator while enjoying anal sex for that simulated double-penetration experience. Finally, don't be afraid to turn your guy into a human vibrator. Vibrating cock rings can work both to stimulate your partner and you, especially when you're having sex face to face or with you on top. Also, should your man be amenable to butt play, you can get a butt plug with a tiny and powerful vibe in it that will bring pleasure to you both (though if he has stamina issues, I'd make this type of play about orgasm #4 in a series). The best advice is sometimes the shortest: just get a toy and play. In time, the toy ceases to be this Weird Other Thing and just becomes yet another choice in your vast panoply of erotic offerings.